The things that happened before
Today has been one of those days, one of those whirlwind days, at work. I left work feeling I hadn’t gotten very much done at all, but in reality, I got a lot done - not just what I had planned on getting done today. Instead I have had a long meeting with my boss, talking about a seminar we’re planning in early June, looking at what topics we need to talk about, which topics need to be specially prepared in advance, and who will prepare them.
Then one of the IT guys showed up, and we talked a bit about…IT stuff. Security, updates, slow computers, remote desktop solutions… Stuff.
Then I got some time in my office, doing what I was supposed to do today, but all the time interrupted by other things that need doing - the mail, phone calls, user support. Always something.
So - when I sat down on the bus today, I was looking forward to a nice, relaxing bus ride home, to gather my thoughts and lower my shoulders. But no. Oh no. My psyche wanted it otherwise. Somehow I got to thinking about all these things from years ago, things that I’d rather forget - not because they are horrible in any way (except to me), but because they represent a part of my life that I am DONE with and that I don’t want back, and so I’d rather not even think about it. I spend so much energy thinking about these things, not to mention all the energy I spend telling myself NOT to think about them, because it’s not worth it, there’s nothing I can do about it, and really, it’s not important what happened several years ago and how I dealt with it, because I am a different person now.
Dear self: Stop worrying. Stop it. Right now. It could all be a lot worse. You could be unemployed. Broke. Sick with Mesothelioma cancer or any other form of cancer. Someone you love could be one or more of the above. So, you know, get real. Wind down and breathe.
And for goodness’ sake, STUDY.
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